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Writer's pictureTatjana Oldham (Scholl)

Don’t Worry, Be Happy!


Life is full of challenges, obstacles and disappointments that disrupt our ease and feeling of well being. In order to survive, grow and reach our full development we have to deal with them. Without difficulty there is no growth; and without managing the difficulty there is no growth either.


If you work your muscles against resistance they become stronger and bigger, however, if you don't do it right you will turn these positive results into negative ones. Instead of becoming stronger you get hurt.

The same rule applies to life and its obstacles. If we meet the difficulties of life in a positive manner our minds and spirits get stronger; but if we become anxious, fearful, depressed or angry we get hurt. Sometimes we can't change things and our circumstances will make us angry or depressed. But what we can do is to take our anger or depression, see it as part of the obstacle and turn it into something positive. It is definitely easier said then done. How can you be positive if you don't know how to pay your bills, are unhappy in your job, just got divorced or your heart broken, are dealing with illness or addiction or feel lonely and confused?

The answer is so simple, and it’s so commonly known that we sometimes forget about it. We need to relax, that's all! A simple goal, but for many a rather difficult task. Once you are relaxed you will be able to think clearly, make sense and find ways to deal with the actual obstacle

First, you should ask yourself what do you do that prevents you from relaxing. Many times we are influenced by factors that decrease the ability to relax without realizing it. Substances like coffee, chocolate, tea, cold remedies and many more are used so regularly that most users do not realize that they are mind-altering drugs. The fact is that these substances activate our nervous system to prepare for "fight" not for "peace". If you are surrounded by, and care about, people who are angry, anxious or negative, you may absorb their emotions and move towards their state of being. If you feel this to be the case you should try to avoid these people, at least until you have learned to be centered and relaxed yourself. After you have helped yourself you may be able to help them.

Many therapists recommend not watching the news or reading the newspaper for a while in times of distress. News can be a negative distraction that produces more anxiety and takes you even further away from your goal to relax. Change the sounds in your life. Some kinds of sounds can make us tense and anxious. History shows that drums for example are used in many different cultures to produce feelings of arousal, violence in warriors, sexual excitement and trance up to complete loss of consciousness. When you feel anxious, listen to sounds like the piano or flute rather than rock music.

Second, you should ask yourself what you are not doing that could help you to relax. Are you exercising? Exercise has been shown to be relaxing. It is a long-term benefit, but exercise can also work in acute situations. If I feel upset I would either take my dogs for a jog through the desert or I go and lift weights while I listen to music that I really like and it always puts me back in a better state of mind. Yoga helps me to relax before I go to sleep.

Breathing strongly influences your moods. When something really scares us we tend to hold our breath. People that suffer from panic attacks often feel like they are suffocating. In order to relax we need to breathe correctly. Breath deeply into your stomach, feel how your belly expands from all the oxygen and feel how all the negativity leaves your body with the exhaling of your breath. A breathing technique commonly used in yoga goes as follows:-

Place the tip of your tongue against the tissue just behind your upper front teeth and keep it there until you have finished the exercise. First exhale completely through your mouth making a sound. Then close your mouth and inhale through your nose to a mental count of four. Next hold your breath for a count of eight. Repeat this process three more times for a total of four breaths.

You should exercise your breathing daily for long-term benefits and use breathing techniques in acute and tense situations. Also experiment with techniques like meditation, biofeedback and visualization. And last but not least, try to get a good night sleep. If you have problems relaxing at bedtime try a warm bath to relax tense muscles. Take 1000 mg each of magnesium and calcium at bedtime. Some people say that the herbal sedative Valerian helps them to relax. Personally, I use preparations of hops to relax if I feel nervous or anxious. Next to its use in beer (!), hops have a long history of use in medicine as a sedative and is also the only close botanical relative of marijuana. I also eat some starchy carbohydrates like bread if I can not go to sleep. Research suggests that starch may increase the brain's own sedative neurotransmitters.


These are only a few of many options on how to relax. Remember, even though we can't change the fact that life is a challenge, we can choose how the challenge affects us and how we react to it.

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